Where I Belong - R.V.Elliott

Chapter 58 

"So are you going to tell me what happened?" She asked passing me a glass of wine. 

"I slept with Blaze in the broom closet" Gulping down my wine I hung my head. I was angry at myself, angry that I couldn't stop it from happening. 

"Did you want it to happen?" 

"Of course I didn't but I didn't stop it from happening either. I'm so stupid Ally and I've probably lost the best thing that's ever happened to me. I wish he would just stay away from me". 

"What are you going to do?" She asked topping up my glass. 

"I don't know Ally and I don't know how I'm going to tell Nate. He's been so good to me and that's how I repay him by sleeping with his brother. I'm just like those girls back at the clubhouse" I sniffed rubbing a hand down my face. 

"You made a mistake Ava everyone does it and that's how we learn". 

"He makes the worst come out in me. He turns me into someone I don't recognise and I don't like it". I whispered just as her phone started ringing. 

Looking down at her screen she frowned "Why is Blaze calling me?" She asked handing me the phone. "Tell him I'm in the shower or something" I said pushing 

it back to her. 

Truth be told I didn't want to speak with him, I didn't want to see him. Watching as she disappeared into the kitchen I grabbed my bag digging inside for my phone. 

4missed calls! So that's why he phoned Ally. 

"Do you want to freshen up before we head over?" She asked as she slipped on her brown wedges heels. 

Shaking my head no I got up and slipped my shoes back on. I didn't give a rats ass what I looked like and I wasn't planning on staying long anyway. 

"You don't want to go here tonight do you?" Grabbing her keys from the mantelpiece she gave herself a once over in the mirror. 

"Not really but I'd rather show face than get my ear chewed off by my dad so let's get going he'll be pissed that I'm already fifteen minutes late". 

On the drive over we sat in comfortable silence which gave me some time to think. I was disgusted with myself and the guilt was eating at me but why did it feel right when we had sex? Why was it that every time we were alone my heart felt like it was going to burst? Should I just give up and give in and be with him? 

"You okay?" Ally asked as we stopped at a red light. 

"I'm just tired, tired of all this bullshit. I literally don't know how much more of it I can take. I had everything planned out and now it's not even worth it. It's getting to the point I don't even want to be here". 

Blaze fucked with my head over and over again he also broke my heart yet he can't seem to let me go. And now he's falling in love with me? I didn't get it. 

"You gotta just keep going Ava everything will turn out the way it's meant to" Reaching over she squeezed my knee before turning into the car park of the clubhouse. 

Holding my bag securely on my arm I took a deep breath as I stepped out the car. 

"It's about time some eye candy got here" 

Rolling my eyes at Cage I walked on in front leaving the two of them alone. Pushing open the clubhouse door the first thing I noticed was the huge dining table set out in the middle of the floor. My mom really pushed the boat out on this one and to my surprise there was not a club girl in sight. 

"Ava honey I'm glad you decided to come. Your mom said you might not have been able to make it. Do you want something to drink?" Lily asked as she smiled 

at me. 

"No thank you, excuse me" I muttered dodging my way around club members until I found the bathroom. Locking the door behind me I stood over the sink splashing some cold water onto my face. Thank god my mom never spotted me coming in. 

Breathing deeply I looked at my reflection in the mirror. I couldn't build up the courage to face him. I know I couldn't put all the blame on Blaze because I didn't exactly stop it from happening but if I try and avoid him I could maybe make it through dinner. Smoothing my hands over my skirt I gave my self an inner pep talk, took another deep breath and then went on to find my mom. 

"You alright sweetheart?" Tommy asked as he approached me. 

"Yes why wouldn't I be?" I said a little to quickly. I needed to chill out, if I kept acting this way everyone will know something is up. 

"You don't seem yourself, long day?" Handing me a beer I shook my head no. I wasn't touching a drop of alcohol tonight. 

"Something like that is my mom around?" I asked glancing around the club unable to spot her. 

"She's still at the main house with your dad they won't be long though. You sure you're alright?". 

"I'm fine I wish people would stop asking me that" I snapped turning on my heels so I could get away from him. 

Truth be told I didn't feel like celebrating tonight and I know that's a selfish thing to say considering its for my little brother but it's not as if he's going to remember anything. The little guy will probably sleep all night. 

Standing at the furthest end of the bar I stood and watched as everyone joked around and had a laugh. Some of the guys were arm wrestling whilst the girls were all chatting away putting the finishing touches to the table. 

They were my family. 

Why couldn't I be like them? So carefree acting like they didn't have a care in the world. Is this where I belong? Do I finally let down the wall that I've built up ever since I came back here? Do I finally let them all in? 

"You wanting anything Ava?" 

Turning my head I noticed Kelsey standing behind the bar. So she worked here now? Glancing at her my eyes dropped to her small but swollen stomach. 

"No thanks Kelsey" I smiled not being able to help the little bit of jealousy that erupted in my stomach. She seemed more like family than I did. 

"Okay well give me a shout if you do" She grinned moving to the other side of the bar. She seemed happier, more relaxed and more herself. 

"You not having a few tonight?" Ally asked. So she finally made it inside. 

"Can I have your keys?" I asked wanting nothing more than to get home and if I go just now I won't have to face my dad. I still hadn't seen Blaze around and for that I was thankful. 

"You're not leaving are you?" 

"Are you going to give me your keys or not?" 

"Why don't you stay Blaze isn't here and he's not going to be. Your dad sent him back up to help the other club. He didn't finish the job and they still have a rat". 

What!! 

"It's not because of Blaze that I want to go home I just don't feel like being here tonight or being around all of this". I sighed rubbing at my temples as I felt a headache coming on. 

Sliding her keys across to me I snuck them into my jacket pocket. "Have fun and I'll see you tomorrow at some point". 

"Call me if you need me" Were her last words as I left the clubhouse and headed for her car. 

Sinking into my tub I breathed a sigh of realise. The weeknd were playing in the background I had my candles lit and for the first time tonight I felt relaxed. 

Will my dad be pissed? Probably but I'm sure he'll get over it. Groaning at how tense I felt I lay back and closed my eyes. Tomorrow will be a better day right? As I lay there I couldn't help thinking about what I had done. The guilt was eating away at me making me feel sick every time I thought about it which was every 

second and Blaze? He fucks off. 

Sighing I tried to ignore the vibrations that were constantly coming from my cell phone. You would think if I didn't answer the first time they would stop. Sitting up I grabbed it from my shelf and scrolled through my call log. I knew my mom was worried but 7 missed calls in the space of 15 minutes is a bit extreme. Answering it I put it on loud speaker as I sunk back into the hot soapy water. 

"You there A?" She asked 

"Yes everything alight?" I replied staring at the lights on my ceiling. 

"No everything is not alright. You are meant to be here Ava but instead I have that Kelsey girl and your friend Ally. Why are they here and my daughter isn't?" She snapped her voice changing. "Why did you leave?". 

"I'm not in the mood mom and I wasn't feeling hungry" Yeah is was a lame excuse but it was partly true. 

"You're being selfish Ava this is for your brother" She yelled causing me to roll my eyes. "It's a tradition we did the same when you were born". 

"It's not as if he's going to remember it heck I didn't" I said knowing I was going to cause her to lose her temper. 

"Ava" She gasped "What's going on with you?" She whispered "This isn't you at all". 

"Why would I want to come over there when I'm the one that feels like an outsider". I whispered 

"Why would you say that?" Already I knew she was crying I could hear it in her voice. "Your father and I love you very much Ava, everyone does. We are your family these people are our family. Don't feel like that baby" She sniffed but I wasn't in the mood to listen to her. 

"I have to go I'm in the bath" Before she could say anything else I hung up and turned my phone off. 

After finishing up in the bath I slipped on a fresh pair of pjs and my slippers. Heading down stairs I turned the tv on in the living room as I headed for the kitchen. I was starting to get peckish and I hadn't really ate anything all day. Popping two slice of toast into the toaster I flicked the kettle on. Emptying some coffee into my cup I cursed when I opened my fridge to find I was out of milk. Grabbing a can of juice instead I took out the butter and sat it on my kitchen top. 

Remote in hand I flicked through the channels looking for something decent to watch. Finally deciding to go with NCIS I got my supper ready and settled onto the couch. Taking my comforter of the back I wrapped it around my shoulders. 

Was this better than spending the night with my family? No it wasn't but I couldn't be there when I was feeling like this. But why should I be the one to miss out? Why should everyone else get to celebrate the birth of my brother when they weren't family not by blood anyway. Blaze wasn't even there and here I was sitting feeling sorry for myself. Of course I did a bad thing I did wrong but like Ally said we all make mistakes. I shouldn't be the one singling my self out. He shouldn't be the reason why I don't spend time with my family. Yes they might be crazy at times and they might piss me off all the time but that's what family's do. 

At as I sat thinking over everything I realised one thing they were always there for me. We fight a lot well my dad and I do but he is still my dad and if I keep doing what I'm doing and acting the way I do I wasn't going to have a family left. 

My family weren't the problem I was. 

Getting to my feet I turned off the tv and took Ally's keys from my coffee table. Hopefully by the time I got there they wouldn't be too hammered. Locking the doors as I got in I turned the heating up full blast. The dark nights were coming back in and I could hardly see because of the fog. Turning on the radio I indicated onto the highway only them hearing the roars of the bikes that were tailing me. 

Was my dad so desperate for me to come tonight he got his men to come for me? 

Because of the mist I couldn't make out the drivers but at the way they were driving it gave me a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. 

Something wasn't right 

Reaching for my phone I cursed when I realised I had left it in my bathroom. Glancing in my rearview mirror I screamed when my back window shattered. Panicking I put my foot down trying to get away from them, there was so many bikes in front of me, behind me, at the side of me and taking over me. At the sound of another gun shot I lost my footing and control of my steering. Hitting the side of the highway I went through the barricade and screamed as my car toppled over the side. 

I don't know how long I was left there but I couldn't move. The last thing I remember before the darkness took over were the police sirens in the background.